"Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind."
Albert Einstein
Monday, 16 July 2007
Quote of the Day
PWNED. AGAIN.
Today I am not proud to be Argentine. Slightly more than I was yesterday after la Copa América final against Brazil, but still not proud. The two giants of Latin American futbol met for a rematch of what was a mess in 2004. The fateful day when, in the 93rd minute, Brazil equalized and Argentina lost, as only Argentina can, (Argentina, and England, (lo siento, but it's true) because England are even worse) at penalty shoot-outs.
I was so sure that we would win. Brazil were playing their B team. We couldn't lose! I mean, Brazil lost their first game to Mexico, goddamit. We hammered Mexico. We seriously slapped them with a huge wet fish while Brazil only just managed to beat Uruguay. But no. We went like jackhammers from the start, saving not a lot for the final. We have not beaten Brazil in the final since we won the Cup in 1993.
Next time we will. Even if I have to play myself.
PS: And to that sneaky little Guatemalan with the paint on his top lip? Dude...
I was so sure that we would win. Brazil were playing their B team. We couldn't lose! I mean, Brazil lost their first game to Mexico, goddamit. We hammered Mexico. We seriously slapped them with a huge wet fish while Brazil only just managed to beat Uruguay. But no. We went like jackhammers from the start, saving not a lot for the final. We have not beaten Brazil in the final since we won the Cup in 1993.
Next time we will. Even if I have to play myself.
PS: And to that sneaky little Guatemalan with the paint on his top lip? Dude...
Friday, 13 July 2007
Talking of London..
For any of you who decide you're popping over, here are my top places to visit...
There are endless places to eat around and above the piazza which allows you to watch the entertainers while eating and supping one of the many fine wines offered. If you would rather head off the beaten track (where everything gets a lot more exciting) I would recommend Cafe Pacifico for great food, great cocktails and even better service. The food may be as far from British as possible, but it's where all the Londoners go for fun.
1. Covent Garden
One of the few places to go where absolutely everyone will find something they enjoy. The home of the Royal Opera House, the Punch and Judy public house and the Jubilee Market Hall. The entire place is so steeped in history. Just imagining people walking over those same cobbles 700 years ago is mind blowing, Covent Garden stretches for ages past the covered halls that most tourists seem to hang around in, so leave yourself about a day to explore. There are amazing boutiques and vintage stores selling everything from old LPs and t-shirts to 1940s peep-toes with matching clutch. This is the place for people watching.
There are endless places to eat around and above the piazza which allows you to watch the entertainers while eating and supping one of the many fine wines offered. If you would rather head off the beaten track (where everything gets a lot more exciting) I would recommend Cafe Pacifico for great food, great cocktails and even better service. The food may be as far from British as possible, but it's where all the Londoners go for fun.
2. Portobello Road
You remember the Disney film 'Bedknobs and Broomsticks' with Angela Lansbury, right? Well, then y'all will know what I'm on about. David Tomlinson sang: "... streets where the riches of ages are stowed. Anything and everything a chap can unload, is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road..." and, boy, was he right. One of the most famous markets in the world. If you like to look at old things, this is the place to be. Renowned for its antiques, Portobello Road, in the heart of Notting Hill, boasts scores of fascinating treasures. Pretty much all of the traders and shop owners are Londoners, and a majority of them have had their shop, or their stall pitch for a multitude of years. Probably before you were even a twinkle in your Mamacusa's eye, Gringa! The pretty coloured houses here are on the Notting Hill Gate end of Portobello. If you look at this map, and find the arrow at the bottom pointing away from NHG tube station that's pretty much where these houses are. The place is always buzzing, no matter what the weather is like. Don't stay away because of the weather. That little arrow I just showed you? Go the opposite way, and on that corner you turn right on to towards NHG station is the most amazing little pub. Go and sit in their outside space. But what if it's raining?! I hear you ask... ESPECIALLY if it's raining, I reply. (You just have to trust me on this).
You remember the Disney film 'Bedknobs and Broomsticks' with Angela Lansbury, right? Well, then y'all will know what I'm on about. David Tomlinson sang: "... streets where the riches of ages are stowed. Anything and everything a chap can unload, is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road..." and, boy, was he right. One of the most famous markets in the world. If you like to look at old things, this is the place to be. Renowned for its antiques, Portobello Road, in the heart of Notting Hill, boasts scores of fascinating treasures. Pretty much all of the traders and shop owners are Londoners, and a majority of them have had their shop, or their stall pitch for a multitude of years. Probably before you were even a twinkle in your Mamacusa's eye, Gringa! The pretty coloured houses here are on the Notting Hill Gate end of Portobello. If you look at this map, and find the arrow at the bottom pointing away from NHG tube station that's pretty much where these houses are. The place is always buzzing, no matter what the weather is like. Don't stay away because of the weather. That little arrow I just showed you? Go the opposite way, and on that corner you turn right on to towards NHG station is the most amazing little pub. Go and sit in their outside space. But what if it's raining?! I hear you ask... ESPECIALLY if it's raining, I reply. (You just have to trust me on this).3. Hyde Park
WHAT?? I hear you cry. There are animals in London? I mean, like, real, live animals? You've got to be shitting me! Well, wonderful reader, please hold on to your hat as what I'm about to say may come as a shock. Yes, there are indeed real, live animals in London. And if you visit Hyde Park then you will see that we have many types of animals. Even birds what float on the Serpentine!
Have you picked your jaw up off the floor yet? Hyde Park is beautiful. Particularly in the summer. Go there.
OK, and now for a couple of places I hate. Truly. If you go and discover it was crap and overpriced and blah, blah, blah, don't say I didn't warn you...
1. The Trocadero - based in the heart of Piccadilly, this place is terrible. Once upon a time it was full of fantastic stalls and shops and entertainers. Now, however, all shops are either cheap, ridiculously overpriced tat, or shops you will find anywhere else. Yes, the building itself is pretty enough, but it's by no means an a wonder of the architectural world.
2. Madam Tussauds - Wax figures. I'm sure there's one of these in every city. Do you want to wander around looking at mannequins on your holiday? No, I didn't think so. The ticket price is extortionate, and no matter what time of year you will be surrounded by school kids.
There you go. I'm sure I will add to this list as time goes on, but the first three places? Absolute nuggets. If they were gold, those little dwarfs would be digging them up. Do it.
WHAT?? I hear you cry. There are animals in London? I mean, like, real, live animals? You've got to be shitting me! Well, wonderful reader, please hold on to your hat as what I'm about to say may come as a shock. Yes, there are indeed real, live animals in London. And if you visit Hyde Park then you will see that we have many types of animals. Even birds what float on the Serpentine!
Have you picked your jaw up off the floor yet? Hyde Park is beautiful. Particularly in the summer. Go there.
OK, and now for a couple of places I hate. Truly. If you go and discover it was crap and overpriced and blah, blah, blah, don't say I didn't warn you...
1. The Trocadero - based in the heart of Piccadilly, this place is terrible. Once upon a time it was full of fantastic stalls and shops and entertainers. Now, however, all shops are either cheap, ridiculously overpriced tat, or shops you will find anywhere else. Yes, the building itself is pretty enough, but it's by no means an a wonder of the architectural world.
2. Madam Tussauds - Wax figures. I'm sure there's one of these in every city. Do you want to wander around looking at mannequins on your holiday? No, I didn't think so. The ticket price is extortionate, and no matter what time of year you will be surrounded by school kids.
There you go. I'm sure I will add to this list as time goes on, but the first three places? Absolute nuggets. If they were gold, those little dwarfs would be digging them up. Do it.
Thursday, 12 July 2007
Just so y'all know
...exactly what an idiot is now running the UK:
Gordon Brown's last act as Chancellor of the Exchequer was to make the NHS his number one priority by cutting the capital budget of the English NHS for 2007-08 from £6.2bn to £4.2bn, whilst avoiding the same cuts for the Scottish and Welsh NHS budgets even though funding formulae for the UK suggest that the burden should have been shared.
Now do you get it?
Gordon Brown's last act as Chancellor of the Exchequer was to make the NHS his number one priority by cutting the capital budget of the English NHS for 2007-08 from £6.2bn to £4.2bn, whilst avoiding the same cuts for the Scottish and Welsh NHS budgets even though funding formulae for the UK suggest that the burden should have been shared.
Now do you get it?
Walkies
Every morning I walk Her Royal Highness, also known as Queen Munchkin (she has got the shortest legs you've ever seen) before I do anything else.
Her Ladyship lies in the hallway upstairs, barely opening her eyes and pretending to be asleep (she's got the whole IF I ONLY OPEN MY EYES A TINY SMIDGEN THERE'S NO WAY YOU WILL THINK I'M AWAKE AND I CAN STAY HERE WHERE IT'S WARM AND DRY thing going on) while I pull on my joggers and root around for some suitable footwear. She doesn't play dead well, though. As soon as you bend down and give her a rub behind the ears her tail thumps on the ground hard enough to cause another tsunami off of Sri Lanka. I head downstairs, and every single morning she lies there. I mean, she's just told me that she's awake with the thumpings of the tails but she still decides to lie there and pretend. Like a kid who cries for five more minutes once mama has switched on the light and told them to get up. As soon as I get downstairs and pick up her balls and scented nappy sacks (because MAN her crap stinks) and rattle the keys I can hear her literally jump up and bound down the hallway and the stairs before launching herself at me, tongue lolling out the side of her mouth like a crazy person, this insane LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! OPEN THAT DARN DOOR NOW! WHAT IF THERE'S SOMETHING OUT THERE FOR ME TO CHASE AND I'M SHUT UP IN HERE? look on her face. As soon as I open the door and she falls through and I follow. We play the same game every morning; once I've shut the door, I feign searching around the house for something that isn't there, avoiding all eye contact with with her, while she follows me, head cocked in a confused manner because OH SWEET JESUS ON A TWO-WHEELED VEHICLE, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR NOW? WE NEED TO GO FOR A WALK, LIKE, PRONTO LADY! Off we trundle, down the road to the park. She hates walking on a leash so we never use it. Instead she walks to heel, looking up at you every couple of steps just to check that you're still there.
Now, every day on the way to the park I see Mr Fox. He's a scrappy looking thing with an eye missing, and he's definitely a male because he has got the biggest testicles imaginable. I have seen ponies that he would outshine. HRH is usually too busy dodging puddles or sniffing where other dogs have peed to see Fox. Today, however, she spied him sitting on the sidewalk, looking directly at us. And she ran. She's not pretty when she runs, that's for sure. Her paws are too big and her legs are too short, and those ears that pick up a hundred channels from 35 countries? They seem to put her off balance too. This thing doesn't run, she lollops. Not at all feminine. She looks more like a baby elephant than a dog. So, there's my clumsy hound, chasing after this poor fox with one eye and half a tail, front and back hackles up as she tries to keep up because DARN THIS RED THING CAN MOVE! With her imaginary blinkers on, she refuses to listen to me calling her because this fox is obviously sooo important to her. Until it crosses the road and darts under a parked car, where HRH abruptly stops at the kerb. She may have become deaf for a few minutes, but she damn well knows not to go on the road unless i say she can.
Her Ladyship lies in the hallway upstairs, barely opening her eyes and pretending to be asleep (she's got the whole IF I ONLY OPEN MY EYES A TINY SMIDGEN THERE'S NO WAY YOU WILL THINK I'M AWAKE AND I CAN STAY HERE WHERE IT'S WARM AND DRY thing going on) while I pull on my joggers and root around for some suitable footwear. She doesn't play dead well, though. As soon as you bend down and give her a rub behind the ears her tail thumps on the ground hard enough to cause another tsunami off of Sri Lanka. I head downstairs, and every single morning she lies there. I mean, she's just told me that she's awake with the thumpings of the tails but she still decides to lie there and pretend. Like a kid who cries for five more minutes once mama has switched on the light and told them to get up. As soon as I get downstairs and pick up her balls and scented nappy sacks (because MAN her crap stinks) and rattle the keys I can hear her literally jump up and bound down the hallway and the stairs before launching herself at me, tongue lolling out the side of her mouth like a crazy person, this insane LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! OPEN THAT DARN DOOR NOW! WHAT IF THERE'S SOMETHING OUT THERE FOR ME TO CHASE AND I'M SHUT UP IN HERE? look on her face. As soon as I open the door and she falls through and I follow. We play the same game every morning; once I've shut the door, I feign searching around the house for something that isn't there, avoiding all eye contact with with her, while she follows me, head cocked in a confused manner because OH SWEET JESUS ON A TWO-WHEELED VEHICLE, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR NOW? WE NEED TO GO FOR A WALK, LIKE, PRONTO LADY! Off we trundle, down the road to the park. She hates walking on a leash so we never use it. Instead she walks to heel, looking up at you every couple of steps just to check that you're still there.
Now, every day on the way to the park I see Mr Fox. He's a scrappy looking thing with an eye missing, and he's definitely a male because he has got the biggest testicles imaginable. I have seen ponies that he would outshine. HRH is usually too busy dodging puddles or sniffing where other dogs have peed to see Fox. Today, however, she spied him sitting on the sidewalk, looking directly at us. And she ran. She's not pretty when she runs, that's for sure. Her paws are too big and her legs are too short, and those ears that pick up a hundred channels from 35 countries? They seem to put her off balance too. This thing doesn't run, she lollops. Not at all feminine. She looks more like a baby elephant than a dog. So, there's my clumsy hound, chasing after this poor fox with one eye and half a tail, front and back hackles up as she tries to keep up because DARN THIS RED THING CAN MOVE! With her imaginary blinkers on, she refuses to listen to me calling her because this fox is obviously sooo important to her. Until it crosses the road and darts under a parked car, where HRH abruptly stops at the kerb. She may have become deaf for a few minutes, but she damn well knows not to go on the road unless i say she can.
Wednesday, 11 July 2007
Quote of the Day
"One of the lessons to learn is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a good thing to say."
Will Durant, 1885-1981
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