My ex

can go and sit on a very sharp pencil.

Why are some people such IDIOTS??

Douchebag

is my new favourite word.

It is so disgusting, and yet so funny sounding.


Asshat is my second favourite word. I have no idea what it means, but in my accent it's even more hilarious than it should be.

I bought these yesterday on my way home:

I'm sure none of you are interested, but they make me happy so I devote a whole post to my NEW SHOES.

Sweet bejaysus!

This post had rolling on the floor I was laughing so hard. I had to be hit with a big stick to make me stop. Read it.

I love bad stuff way too much...

...and, at the same time, have developed a severe disliking for my gym. I am one of the few females who does not wear lime green hot pants and a bra when I work out (the others being 70 year olds who rock up in their chauffeur driven Rollers). I prefer loose clothing that I am comfortable in, and that when I work out the sweat cannot be seen pouring down my back. I also do not like the men who look as if their biceps are about to explode, and up the poundage when you walk past. Don't get me wrong, I do plenty of exercise. Long dog walks, morning jogs, regular squash games, horse riding, rugby (in season) and more dance classes than you can count on one and a half hands (presuming you have 5 digits on each).

BUT - I love wine. Lots of it. In summer I like cold beer too, although not at the same time. I love cheese, and proper fresh bread and chocolate and red meat and pasta and potatoes. All of which are not particularly great for you. So, for the next 2 months, I will be eating like a rabbit. No, not like this, but more like a selection of vegetables (and fruit) and nothing else. This is mainly so I don't look like a beached whale in a bikini and scare off all the Portuguese locals in October. I don't think I'll be giving up mi vino though.

Pee pee time?

So, I wasn't going to write about this but I am still so pissed that I feel it is better to vent in to the abyss that is the blogosphere than it is in real life. I will not be seen as a WHINER by real human beans.

It took me 40 minutes to get home last night. Not the longest amount of time by all means but, still, longer than the journey should take. And I'm tired (having been at work since 0730). And the train was HOT. And the guy sat next to me had a SERIOUS BODY ODOUR PROBLEM. Like, muy apestado. I mean, he obviously feels that deodorant isn't a necessity. LISTEN DUDE, IT REALLY IS. And I'm sure that everyone in the carriage (and probably as far away as, I don't know, Illinois - and that's really far) would agree with me. I nearly went so far as to offer him the Givenchy in my handbag before I realised that he'd probably end up using the whole bottle AND WE'D STILL BE ABLE TO SMELL HIM.

And then I get home. I leave the back door open all day for HRH, so that she can go and mess in the garden when she needs to. Thing is, it rained a bit in the afternoon (she doesn't like the rain, it messes up her hair) - and it was obviously the EXACT SAME TIME that she needed a pee. She couldn't wait for the cloud to pass and go outside, so she went right there on the floor. What made me mad was the fact that my brother, who, by the way is NOT HUMAN, was so busy playing WWE Smackdown vs. RAW that he "didn't see" her squat, and "didn't hear" the sound track to Niagara Falls going on 2 METRES FROM WHERE HE WAS SITTING. And guess who had to clean it up?

Now THAT is why i am mad.

Ok, so...

...I saw this post, and now I can't stop singing. "What would Brian Boitano do, if he was here right now? He'd make a plan and he'd follow through, that's what Brian Boitano'd do". If you haven't seen this movie, then you're a very silly person. So go and watch it. Now.