It's official...

...I'm crap. My fantastic idea of blogging over the weekend just didn't happen. After all the crap weather we've had, it was so nice for the sun to deign to show himself (it was actually warm, too!) that I spent the entire weekend outside. Dog walking, cycling, barbecue, haircut (yes, I made the girl who cuts my hair do it outside) amongst other things. In fact, there were other things I was meant to be doing this weekend that I just didn't get round to doing which I WILL DEFINITELY DO THIS WEEK. I did, however, manage to persuade my mother that she needed a holiday and that my brother could look after things at home for a week (this is not true, but I have 2 months to prepare him) AND book a week away to the Algarve in October. The place with the highest number of sunny days in the whole of Europe. I am so excited (!! <- see?!) that I could pee my pants. But I won't. I can, on the odd occasion, show some restraint. Especially when I get the feeling I may come back looking like this: Anyhow, I'm sure y'all are sooo excited to see that this post has finally come that y'all are about to pee your pants too. I''m still not sure what the gifts are gonna be, but I'm sure I can think of something. And they'll be really good, I promise.

Nearly there...

This week I have been trying to get over this gastric bug. Seeing as the water company didn't care to tell me that my water had been contaminated until 2 DAYS LATER.

Anyhow, my next post (likely to be tomorrow or Sunday) will be number 100.

Just reminding you.

And the rest of the world laughs AT, not with, us...

The floods over here have dominated the news over here for at least a couple of weeks now. Not sure how much of it has been televised internationally but, it seems, enough to make people go, "what the f*ck?" Seriously, we are probably the wettest little island IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, and yet although England conquered, uh, let's see, most of the world and pretty much pioneered civilization they still cannot DEAL WITH THE WEATHER. It drives me absolutely crazy. So, basically, hundreds of thousands of people have lost their homes, farmers have lost their livelihoods and many people are sick* and yet a lot of this trouble seems needless. I mean, WHY did Labour reduce the Environment Agency's flood defence budget by £15million? (In fact, the budget was cut by £1m MORE than the Government has given to help the people in the North of the country who have lost EVERYTHING). And where are the flood barriers? When this weather has been predicted for days and days now, why were there no flood barriers in place, or even nearby? We've had a dry couple of years, so the Government chose not to keep the drains clear and chose not to dredge and clear debris from the rivers, and now look what's happened. And to top it off (and this is what I find HILARIOUS!) is that this is of course! all due to climate change. Dude! Wake up and smell the Joe for crying out loud. Our storms and pour weather have been caused by LOW PRESSURE IN THE ATMOSPHERE, not from glacier melt - but this 'theory' means that (no doubt) another stealth tax from Gordy will appear, helping us (the country with (probably) the tiniest(!) little carbon footprint) to halt climate change.

Give over.

*Oh, yes, guess who's area had their tap water contaminated in the flooding? And guess who drank such tap water? And guess who was even more ill (having just gotten over a virus anyhow) after drinking above-mentioned tap water because although the contamination happened on Friday the water company didn't issue a boil-your-water order until SUNDAY?? Seriously, my insides have taken a beating the past 5 days.

Technicolor yawns

Yeah, I know it's gross. But hey, shit happens. I woke up on Thursday morning at 4am with this sudden urge to throw up. I literally just made it to the loo on time. And then my brother sat with me while I cried, tried not to think about how Goddamn awful I felt and made sure that the bucket was within reaching distance. It was. Needless to say, I didn't make it in to work yesterday. I was ill enough that I pulled muscles I didn't know I had.

By late afternoon I was feeling much better. I really don't have an awful lot to say right now (I'm sure I will later) so, instead, you can look at some photos of Her Royal Highness.

Showing off her very short legs to full Munchkin potential


Now all she needs is goggles and a bomber jacket


"I'm getting married in the morning" - no, seriously, even a dish cloth cannot
hide the fact that she has HUGE ears


OK so not HRH but, hey, meet Michael Jackson

Christmas has come early....

Yup, you heard right. This, right here, is my 96th post. I admit some of them have been really crappy, when I could think of nothing I really wanted to say, but I hope that some of the others may have provided you with a little amusement. Or at least an insight in to the trash we have for a government...

Anyhow, to say thanks for reading and even commenting, I have decided to give you a gift. Well, the first three of y'all to comment on my 100th post will, should you wish, receive something in the mail. I don't know what it is yet but it'll be something nice. I promise.

Oh, how very English!

Saturday saw the Chap Olympiad take over Bedford Square Gardens in London. That's Chap, not chap, by the way! The Chaps tell us that "we live in a world where children are huge, inelegant hooded creatures lurk on street corners..." Approximately one hundred chaps partook in the event, not only hopeful of winning the gold, silver or bronze cravat, but also the "Chap Olympic ideal: not so much swifter, higher, stronger, as slower, lower, easy on the tonic". Fops (and wannabes) dressed in tweed and monocles, carrying their canes with a pipe drooping from the corner of their mouth are a sight for sore eyes. Yet another spectacle I would recommend to anyone visiting mid-July.

BOOST!!

OK, so, anyone who has read some of my previous posts will know that I spent the beginning of the year in beautiful Australia. Now, I cannot begin to start describing how wonderful the place is without going off on a rant, but Jesus Christo on a bicycle I became addicted to BOOST Juice while I was out there. They're all over the place. Bright green kioskos behind which are beautiful young people doing amazing things with fruit and yoghurt vitamins and, ooooh, yum!

ANYhow, the reason I'm so excited is that they are opening a franchise in London! (You heard it here first!) Excited doesn't cut it. I'm actually trembling with excitement here. I lived on Mango Tango Crush. I literally had, like, one a day of these babies. Fruity, icy goodness. Mmmm! There are a few smoothie places in the centre of London, NONE of which measure up. So, hurry up BOOST Juice! Anywhere near Victoria station would be fantastic. And, if you would open at 7am so I can get one as I pass through on my way to work? I would love you forever. And tell all my friends about you. And maybe even marry you...