So he did manage to get his *insert Borat voice here* SEXY TIME, after all

So, HRH is doing great. I will definitely post some photos and videos in the next few days. But we have had an issue, what with her being ON HEAT AND ALL. Very inconvenient (especially when you have a male dog you can't get done because his previous owners failed to tell you he has a heart murmur which means the vet doesn't want to knock him out which means that his testicles are staying firmly where they are) and a bitch whose tubes remain unblocked because the thought of putting her through another invasive surgery is inhumane.

We've been so careful with them. She's been on heat for about 10 days so far (I follow her around with a mop) but hadn't shown any signs of reception. Great! He would get too close and she would park her behind on the floor and growl at him. Good girl. He would then run away and whimper, turning back after about 3 feet with this lusty look in his glazed-over eyes, tongue hanging out and dripping drool on the carpet. This would happen again and again and again... until you shout at him to lie down and be quiet and he cries and cries and then literally drops to the floor. This cycle lasts for about 15 minutes and then starts again. It's like being in a muy loco time warp where you're on a loop.

So, it's ok when we're home - Sam tries to hump the Queen and the Queen retorts with "I'll bite your bloody balls off if you come near me again" using, what I'm sure is, canine mind powers - we can make sure that the humpage occurs not. After having part of her spine surgically removed, we were worried that it might not take the strain of having it doggie style (ooh, forgive me, I am SO crass). To keep her safe while we're at work, we shut him in the living room, where he has access to the garden via the dog flap, and her in the kitchen (where she can make a mess if she has to and it is easy to clean up). This may sound foul - in fact, it is rather disgusting - but needs must, and I do not have the time or the inclination watch her go through, and pay for, another £7k surgery. (And, FYI, she manages to hold in both the poops and the pees until someone gets home at 5pm).

Late yesterday afternoon, before I had left work, I got this email:

disaster!!‏
From:	Your mother (xxxxxxxxx@blueyonder.co.uk)
Sent:	13 November 2007 17:05:23
To:	Little Sausage (xxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com)

Just got back to find kitchen door open, dogs together,
HRH looking subdued and Sam very pleased with himself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11


Yep. Sam had opened the door to the living room and then scaled the half-door to the kitchen, done his business and was lying next to her. Fortunately there seemed to be no immediate damage - she was also fine this morning. We won't know for a while if he managed to cover her, or if he missed his target. From what the vet said, if she did conceive, she may be ok to carry the puppies. If she shows difficulties, there are get out clauses.

In the mean time, I pray that she is going to be able to carry the puppies to full term without any issues. Who needs a man when you can have a puppy?!