Time to lose it

I joined the gym at the beginning of January. You could call lots of exercise my New Year's resolution, although I never did say to myself, or anyone else for that matter, "right, this year I am going to exercise lots and lose weight". Maybe that's where I went wrong. Anyhow, for the whole of January and the first few days of February I did so well. I went about 4-5 times a week for about an hour and a half each time. I felt absolutely fantastic. I didn't weigh myself before I joined, nor did I weekly to see how I was doing, which was more than likely another mistake. And then I went to stay with family in Australia for 3 weeks, and when I came back I didn't go. I don't know why, I just didn't. In fact, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have gone to the gym in the last 7 weeks or so. And last week I really noticed how much I've slipped. My trousers are a lot tighter, and there is absolutely no way I'm buying bigger ones. No way. So today I resolved to lose weight. Seriously lose weight. The gym can wait until the weekend, but as of today I will be completely changing my eating habits. No more purchasing of brownie bites when I go to the supermarket, no matter how good they are. I had a yogurt and a banana for breakfast and a salad and a cup of soup for lunch. The salad was not very nice, so I will be bringing my own in as of tomorrow. I like most things Sainsbury's has to offer, but I do not recommend their healthier option chicken and honey-mustard salad thing. There's nothing in the way of salad in it, apart from a few bits of chopped pepper, and it's all pasta (and not very nice pasta) with about 2 very sad looking bits of chicken in it. The tinned food I get for my dog looks more appetising. Anyhow, I have also eaten lots of fruit, and have a packed of pre-prepared carrot sticks in the fridge (there's absolutely no way I am going to peel and chop carrots in to batons myself when Sainsbury's do it so well). These things are obviously better to snack on than crisps or chocolate or whatever people snack on. The difficult bit is going to be at home. You see, I'm the only one who wants to 'diet' (oh how I hate that word) so cooking for people and making it healthy is going to be problematic. Also, I am a carb fiend. I love it. I love bread, especially brown bread with seeds and bits, which although it is healthier it is still a carb. I love past and rice, and the same applies with the brown versions. If I could get away with cooking brown pasta and rice for the horrible toads at home I would, but unfortunately I can't, and I really do not feel like cooking 2 separate dinners after I have had an 11 hour day. To be honest, I really can't stand the thought of cooking one meal when I get home. So, I am going to try and cook some healthy dinners on the weekend, which I can then put in the freezer and defrost as and when. This sounds like a good idea, so I will let you know how I go.

Anyway, this talk of dieting, or at least being more healthy, got me looking on the internet for people's tips. I am sure that tips from people in similar situations are going to be more user-friendly, and certainly more sustainable than Rosemary Connolly's steps, or the tips relayed by some beautiful 6ft blonde with rock hard abs. These are just so unrealistic and I have no doubt that within a week any 'normal' person will be ready to give up. Or jump off a bridge. I hear all these people saying how they exercise for 2 hours a day, and have a personal trainer, and only eat certain things at certain times. Damn them all.

Firstly, I work. I generally cannot take 2 hours out of my day for exercise purposes. I leave home at 6.30am to get the 6.45am train in to the city. I start work at 7.30am. I work bloody hard, and generally get the chance to grab a sandwich, which I then eat at my desk. I finish work any time after 5.30pm - sometimes it's 5.30, sometimes 7pm, so the earliest I ever get home is approximately 7pm. I am home by about 7.15, where I have to walk the hound, wash dishes, do laundry, feed animals, cook dinner, have a bath and go to bed. Granted, my evenings are lengthening now that it stays lighter for longer, but my family are generally quite selfish, so it is me left to do all of the above. Every day. When I'm up at about 5am, the last thing I want to do in the evening is go to the gym, do you see what I mean? What I'm getting at, is that I DO NOT HAVE TIME to exercise 2 hours a day every day. Get it?

Secondly, I cannot afford a personal trainer. Now this isn't really a biggie, seeing as it's pretty much only the hoity-toity who can. In fact, I do not know one person who has a personal trainer.

Also, it's not often that I can pick to eat when I want. During the week, everything fits around work. I eat lunch when I have a spare ten minutes (enough time to run to the shop downstairs pretty much dictates my lunch 'break') and I can't have dinner before 7.30pm. If I get home at 7, the earliest that dinner will be on the table is 7.30, and that's if I only do a quick salad. When it gets to about 8pm, I really don't want to eat, and that's where the trouble starts. That is exactly when I will make a sandwich and have a packet of crisps or some cake. Something that tastes absolutely delicious, but you know that even if you could spend 2 hours in the gym, that it is unlikely to burn off anywhere near the number of calories you have just eaten.

Anyhow, I'm hoping to go on holiday in September with my friends. I need some sunshine, and a proper break. And I really don't want to go if I'm going to be uncomfortable with the way I look.


Poor, deluded people
Anyhow, while I was scouring the internet for tips on how to lose weight and maintain a healthier lifestyle, I came across some pro-ana websites. I've heard about these sites, but have never been intrigued enough to go looking for them. However, Google decided it was going to throw a few at me for good measure and, I must say, my curiosity got the better of me. These girls are literally starving themselves in three pieces of fruit a day, and talk about how much they hate themselves because they were so starving they had to actually eat something. These girls are suffering, and they don't even know it. I have picked out some quotes which really got to me:

"A flat stomach is nice but a concave stomach is nicer."

"Food is like art - to be looked at but not eaten."

"Anorexia is not a self-inflicted disease, it's a self-controlled lifestyle."

"I want my collar-bones and hips to be as sharp as my mind."

"The body is the baggage you must carry through life. The less baggage, the shorter the trip."

The last quote says it all. And made me cry. These are like mantras repeated over and over again. And some of the photos posted as "inspo" (inspiration) are absolutely terrible. I do not understand how these girls think that this is remotely attractive. They even applaud themselves, and each other, when they purge after eating. It's not even as if it's just girls.


I don't want to talk about this anymore.