So, I was downstairs...

...basking in the sunshine (yep, I'm a reptile, and only UV rays can move my cold, reptile blood around my body) right around the corner from Covent Garden, when this guy walked past (nearly treading on my foot) talking in to his phone about his 21st birthday party on Saturday night - and it dawned on me that never again will I be 21. In fact, I'm now 21 plus 1.5 years. I will be 23 at the end of the year. I am, like, a fully-fledged adult (although, with London property prices I'll probably still be living at home by the time I'm 25). I have a very good BSc, a very good job with even better prospects and I'm debt free. Pretty much. For now, anyway. This is all waaay too much. I mean, last night my mother was hinting about becoming a grandmother before it's too late; in fact, her actual words were, "Chorizo pequeño, when are you going to be married and have some bebés for me? You know, you're just getting older and soon your ovarios are going to shrivel up like little pasas (that's raisins/sultanas for y'all) and before you know it you'll be looking for how best to spend your pension". Because the only reason I'll have babies is especially for her to have grand kids. The fruit of my loins, where my ovaries are likened to dried fruit.


Nice.

Now THIS pisses me off...

(Courtesy of the Daily Mail website).

"The Asian Tiger, which is thriving thanks to global warming..." sounds very much to me like propaganda. How can they print so much rubbish? Playing straight in to the government's hands regarding extra taxes that are, apparently, going to make Britain more eco-friendly. This whole 'global warming' theory is just that. A THEORY. There is so much speculation and pretty much no hard evidence, and yet the whole "CO₂ emissions are how we're all killing the environment" is not only bullshit (please excuse my French) but also completely unfounded. There is so much evidence to the contrary it's unreal. Now, don't get me wrong. I know full well we're damaging the planet. Of course we are! There are billions of people trampling over it, removing the nutrients with excessive crop planting and mismanagement - it is these things that need to be tackled, and in a much more pro-active (expensive) way than at present. The thing is, it's so much easier for the government to say that they are saving the world by charging extra (illegal) taxes on flights, by upping the amount of tax on fuel and on the roads. That way, they get to spout all this tree-hugging, let's all be eco-warriors, hippie crap which fills the party coffers.

Very sneaky indeed.

It's official...

...I'm crap. My fantastic idea of blogging over the weekend just didn't happen. After all the crap weather we've had, it was so nice for the sun to deign to show himself (it was actually warm, too!) that I spent the entire weekend outside. Dog walking, cycling, barbecue, haircut (yes, I made the girl who cuts my hair do it outside) amongst other things. In fact, there were other things I was meant to be doing this weekend that I just didn't get round to doing which I WILL DEFINITELY DO THIS WEEK. I did, however, manage to persuade my mother that she needed a holiday and that my brother could look after things at home for a week (this is not true, but I have 2 months to prepare him) AND book a week away to the Algarve in October. The place with the highest number of sunny days in the whole of Europe. I am so excited (!! <- see?!) that I could pee my pants. But I won't. I can, on the odd occasion, show some restraint. Especially when I get the feeling I may come back looking like this: Anyhow, I'm sure y'all are sooo excited to see that this post has finally come that y'all are about to pee your pants too. I''m still not sure what the gifts are gonna be, but I'm sure I can think of something. And they'll be really good, I promise.

Nearly there...

This week I have been trying to get over this gastric bug. Seeing as the water company didn't care to tell me that my water had been contaminated until 2 DAYS LATER.

Anyhow, my next post (likely to be tomorrow or Sunday) will be number 100.

Just reminding you.

And the rest of the world laughs AT, not with, us...

The floods over here have dominated the news over here for at least a couple of weeks now. Not sure how much of it has been televised internationally but, it seems, enough to make people go, "what the f*ck?" Seriously, we are probably the wettest little island IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, and yet although England conquered, uh, let's see, most of the world and pretty much pioneered civilization they still cannot DEAL WITH THE WEATHER. It drives me absolutely crazy. So, basically, hundreds of thousands of people have lost their homes, farmers have lost their livelihoods and many people are sick* and yet a lot of this trouble seems needless. I mean, WHY did Labour reduce the Environment Agency's flood defence budget by £15million? (In fact, the budget was cut by £1m MORE than the Government has given to help the people in the North of the country who have lost EVERYTHING). And where are the flood barriers? When this weather has been predicted for days and days now, why were there no flood barriers in place, or even nearby? We've had a dry couple of years, so the Government chose not to keep the drains clear and chose not to dredge and clear debris from the rivers, and now look what's happened. And to top it off (and this is what I find HILARIOUS!) is that this is of course! all due to climate change. Dude! Wake up and smell the Joe for crying out loud. Our storms and pour weather have been caused by LOW PRESSURE IN THE ATMOSPHERE, not from glacier melt - but this 'theory' means that (no doubt) another stealth tax from Gordy will appear, helping us (the country with (probably) the tiniest(!) little carbon footprint) to halt climate change.

Give over.

*Oh, yes, guess who's area had their tap water contaminated in the flooding? And guess who drank such tap water? And guess who was even more ill (having just gotten over a virus anyhow) after drinking above-mentioned tap water because although the contamination happened on Friday the water company didn't issue a boil-your-water order until SUNDAY?? Seriously, my insides have taken a beating the past 5 days.

Technicolor yawns

Yeah, I know it's gross. But hey, shit happens. I woke up on Thursday morning at 4am with this sudden urge to throw up. I literally just made it to the loo on time. And then my brother sat with me while I cried, tried not to think about how Goddamn awful I felt and made sure that the bucket was within reaching distance. It was. Needless to say, I didn't make it in to work yesterday. I was ill enough that I pulled muscles I didn't know I had.

By late afternoon I was feeling much better. I really don't have an awful lot to say right now (I'm sure I will later) so, instead, you can look at some photos of Her Royal Highness.

Showing off her very short legs to full Munchkin potential


Now all she needs is goggles and a bomber jacket


"I'm getting married in the morning" - no, seriously, even a dish cloth cannot
hide the fact that she has HUGE ears


OK so not HRH but, hey, meet Michael Jackson

Christmas has come early....

Yup, you heard right. This, right here, is my 96th post. I admit some of them have been really crappy, when I could think of nothing I really wanted to say, but I hope that some of the others may have provided you with a little amusement. Or at least an insight in to the trash we have for a government...

Anyhow, to say thanks for reading and even commenting, I have decided to give you a gift. Well, the first three of y'all to comment on my 100th post will, should you wish, receive something in the mail. I don't know what it is yet but it'll be something nice. I promise.

Oh, how very English!

Saturday saw the Chap Olympiad take over Bedford Square Gardens in London. That's Chap, not chap, by the way! The Chaps tell us that "we live in a world where children are huge, inelegant hooded creatures lurk on street corners..." Approximately one hundred chaps partook in the event, not only hopeful of winning the gold, silver or bronze cravat, but also the "Chap Olympic ideal: not so much swifter, higher, stronger, as slower, lower, easy on the tonic". Fops (and wannabes) dressed in tweed and monocles, carrying their canes with a pipe drooping from the corner of their mouth are a sight for sore eyes. Yet another spectacle I would recommend to anyone visiting mid-July.

BOOST!!

OK, so, anyone who has read some of my previous posts will know that I spent the beginning of the year in beautiful Australia. Now, I cannot begin to start describing how wonderful the place is without going off on a rant, but Jesus Christo on a bicycle I became addicted to BOOST Juice while I was out there. They're all over the place. Bright green kioskos behind which are beautiful young people doing amazing things with fruit and yoghurt vitamins and, ooooh, yum!

ANYhow, the reason I'm so excited is that they are opening a franchise in London! (You heard it here first!) Excited doesn't cut it. I'm actually trembling with excitement here. I lived on Mango Tango Crush. I literally had, like, one a day of these babies. Fruity, icy goodness. Mmmm! There are a few smoothie places in the centre of London, NONE of which measure up. So, hurry up BOOST Juice! Anywhere near Victoria station would be fantastic. And, if you would open at 7am so I can get one as I pass through on my way to work? I would love you forever. And tell all my friends about you. And maybe even marry you...

Quote of the Day

"Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind."

Albert Einstein

PWNED. AGAIN.

Today I am not proud to be Argentine. Slightly more than I was yesterday after la Copa América final against Brazil, but still not proud. The two giants of Latin American futbol met for a rematch of what was a mess in 2004. The fateful day when, in the 93rd minute, Brazil equalized and Argentina lost, as only Argentina can, (Argentina, and England, (lo siento, but it's true) because England are even worse) at penalty shoot-outs.

I was so sure that we would win. Brazil were playing their B team. We couldn't lose! I mean, Brazil lost their first game to Mexico, goddamit. We hammered Mexico. We seriously slapped them with a huge wet fish while Brazil only just managed to beat Uruguay. But no. We went like jackhammers from the start, saving not a lot for the final. We have not beaten Brazil in the final since we won the Cup in 1993.

Next time we will. Even if I have to play myself.

PS: And to that sneaky little Guatemalan with the paint on his top lip? Dude...

Talking of London..

For any of you who decide you're popping over, here are my top places to visit...

1. Covent Garden

One of the few places to go where absolutely everyone will find something they enjoy. The home of the Royal Opera House, the Punch and Judy public house and the Jubilee Market Hall. The entire place is so steeped in history. Just imagining people walking over those same cobbles 700 years ago is mind blowing, Covent Garden stretches for ages past the covered halls that most tourists seem to hang around in, so leave yourself about a day to explore. There are amazing boutiques and vintage stores selling everything from old LPs and t-shirts to 1940s peep-toes with matching clutch. This is the place for people watching.

There are endless places to eat around and above the piazza which allows you to watch the entertainers while eating and supping one of the many fine wines offered. If you would rather head off the beaten track (where everything gets a lot more exciting) I would recommend Cafe Pacifico for great food, great cocktails and even better service. The food may be as far from British as possible, but it's where all the Londoners go for fun.

2. Portobello Road

You remember the Disney film 'Bedknobs and Broomsticks' with Angela Lansbury, right? Well, then y'all will know what I'm on about. David Tomlinson sang: "... streets where the riches of ages are stowed. Anything and everything a chap can unload, is sold off the barrow in Portobello Road..." and, boy, was he right. One of the most famous markets in the world. If you like to look at old things, this is the place to be. Renowned for its antiques, Portobello Road, in the heart of Notting Hill, boasts scores of fascinating treasures. Pretty much all of the traders and shop owners are Londoners, and a majority of them have had their shop, or their stall pitch for a multitude of years. Probably before you were even a twinkle in your Mamacusa's eye, Gringa! The pretty coloured houses here are on the Notting Hill Gate end of Portobello. If you look at this map, and find the arrow at the bottom pointing away from NHG tube station that's pretty much where these houses are. The place is always buzzing, no matter what the weather is like. Don't stay away because of the weather. That little arrow I just showed you? Go the opposite way, and on that corner you turn right on to towards NHG station is the most amazing little pub. Go and sit in their outside space. But what if it's raining?! I hear you ask... ESPECIALLY if it's raining, I reply. (You just have to trust me on this).

3. Hyde Park

WHAT?? I hear you cry. There are animals in London? I mean, like, real, live animals? You've got to be shitting me! Well, wonderful reader, please hold on to your hat as what I'm about to say may come as a shock. Yes, there are indeed real, live animals in London. And if you visit Hyde Park then you will see that we have many types of animals. Even birds what float on the Serpentine!
Have you picked your jaw up off the floor yet? Hyde Park is beautiful. Particularly in the summer. Go there.



OK, and now for a couple of places I hate. Truly. If you go and discover it was crap and overpriced and blah, blah, blah, don't say I didn't warn you...

1. The Trocadero - based in the heart of Piccadilly, this place is terrible. Once upon a time it was full of fantastic stalls and shops and entertainers. Now, however, all shops are either cheap, ridiculously overpriced tat, or shops you will find anywhere else. Yes, the building itself is pretty enough, but it's by no means an a wonder of the architectural world.

2. Madam Tussauds - Wax figures. I'm sure there's one of these in every city. Do you want to wander around looking at mannequins on your holiday? No, I didn't think so. The ticket price is extortionate, and no matter what time of year you will be surrounded by school kids.


There you go. I'm sure I will add to this list as time goes on, but the first three places? Absolute nuggets. If they were gold, those little dwarfs would be digging them up. Do it.

Just so y'all know

...exactly what an idiot is now running the UK:

Gordon Brown's last act as Chancellor of the Exchequer was to make the NHS his number one priority by cutting the capital budget of the English NHS for 2007-08 from £6.2bn to £4.2bn, whilst avoiding the same cuts for the Scottish and Welsh NHS budgets even though funding formulae for the UK suggest that the burden should have been shared.

Now do you get it?

Even London can be pretty sometimes

Photos taken Summer, 2006

Walkies

Every morning I walk Her Royal Highness, also known as Queen Munchkin (she has got the shortest legs you've ever seen) before I do anything else.


Her Ladyship lies in the hallway upstairs, barely opening her eyes and pretending to be asleep (she's got the whole IF I ONLY OPEN MY EYES A TINY SMIDGEN THERE'S NO WAY YOU WILL THINK I'M AWAKE AND I CAN STAY HERE WHERE IT'S WARM AND DRY thing going on) while I pull on my joggers and root around for some suitable footwear. She doesn't play dead well, though. As soon as you bend down and give her a rub behind the ears her tail thumps on the ground hard enough to cause another tsunami off of Sri Lanka. I head downstairs, and every single morning she lies there. I mean, she's just told me that she's awake with the thumpings of the tails but she still decides to lie there and pretend. Like a kid who cries for five more minutes once mama has switched on the light and told them to get up. As soon as I get downstairs and pick up her balls and scented nappy sacks (because MAN her crap stinks) and rattle the keys I can hear her literally jump up and bound down the hallway and the stairs before launching herself at me, tongue lolling out the side of her mouth like a crazy person, this insane LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! OPEN THAT DARN DOOR NOW! WHAT IF THERE'S SOMETHING OUT THERE FOR ME TO CHASE AND I'M SHUT UP IN HERE? look on her face. As soon as I open the door and she falls through and I follow. We play the same game every morning; once I've shut the door, I feign searching around the house for something that isn't there, avoiding all eye contact with with her, while she follows me, head cocked in a confused manner because OH SWEET JESUS ON A TWO-WHEELED VEHICLE, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR NOW? WE NEED TO GO FOR A WALK, LIKE, PRONTO LADY! Off we trundle, down the road to the park. She hates walking on a leash so we never use it. Instead she walks to heel, looking up at you every couple of steps just to check that you're still there.

Now, every day on the way to the park I see Mr Fox. He's a scrappy looking thing with an eye missing, and he's definitely a male because he has got the biggest testicles imaginable. I have seen ponies that he would outshine. HRH is usually too busy dodging puddles or sniffing where other dogs have peed to see Fox. Today, however, she spied him sitting on the sidewalk, looking directly at us. And she ran. She's not pretty when she runs, that's for sure. Her paws are too big and her legs are too short, and those ears that pick up a hundred channels from 35 countries? They seem to put her off balance too. This thing doesn't run, she lollops. Not at all feminine. She looks more like a baby elephant than a dog. So, there's my clumsy hound, chasing after this poor fox with one eye and half a tail, front and back hackles up as she tries to keep up because DARN THIS RED THING CAN MOVE! With her imaginary blinkers on, she refuses to listen to me calling her because this fox is obviously sooo important to her. Until it crosses the road and darts under a parked car, where HRH abruptly stops at the kerb. She may have become deaf for a few minutes, but she damn well knows not to go on the road unless i say she can.

Quote of the Day

"One of the lessons to learn is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a good thing to say."

Will Durant, 1885-1981

Untitled

As anonymous so eloquently put it, my blog has been lacking somewhat this last week. Things are ever so slightly busy (actually, things are more ‘ay-Dios-mio-if-things-don’t-slow-down-soon-my-head-is-going-to-explode’ manic) at the moment. So, to all of y’all, apologies for the inherent lack of posts.

It seems that, with all the furore surrounding England’s ban on smoking in enclosed public spaces, Stoke-on-Trent has been forgotten. Councilors simply ‘forgot’ to apply for enforcement powers. This means that the inhabitants of ‘Smoke-on-Trent’ are able to light up in pubs, bars and even bus shelters without fear of an on the spot £50 penalty. This, I find absolutely hilarious! Especially, seeing as councilors will not be able to approve it until a meeting on August 2. This ban on smoking has caused all sorts of debate. Firstly, there are the non-smokers who yell with glee from the rooftops, because they will finally be able to enjoy a drink or a meal without breathing in all those nasty, dirty carcinogens. Darn you, you pesky smokers! These creatures are followed by the Health officials who say that all of these smoking-related diseases are miraculously going to disappear. Then along trundles the band of smokers, who feel it is a Human Rights infringement, (well, why should smokers not jump on the band-wagon? Everyone else has).

Sneaking behind the band of not-so-merry men is our wonderful Government, shoulders hunched, eyes to the floor. Of course, it makes sense - if you smoke, you will eventually damage your lungs. That’s simple logic. In fact, pretty much all countries have come to this conclusion. However, other countries have made provisions for the vast number of people who are not allowed to smoke inside any more. In fact, most other countries have designated smoking and non-smoking rooms. Surely it makes sense that, if you don’t want to breathe in smoke, you don’t go in to the smoking room? Australia seems to have gotten this right, as has most of Europe. Instead, smokers are pushed on to the streets. At the moment this isn’t too bad but, come winter, the matter will be totally different. At the same time as making people smoke outside, our Government has also decided to ‘get tough’ on litter. Great! I hate litter on the streets as much as anyone. When I see people throw crisp packets on the floor, they do find themselves on the wrong end of my death-stares. There really is no excuse for it when there are bins every 20 metres or so in London. Yet, with all these bins, there is not one that is suitable for cigarette ends. Dude. You make people smoke outside, you make damn well sure you have ashtrays. Surely that is one of the simplest pieces of mathematics? Obviously not. Australia, South America and the rest of Europe has ashtrays on posts in the street, outside pubs/hotels, at bus stops, and guess what? There are no cigarette ends to be seen! Instead, here, you have nowhere but the street to put your dog-ends, and you will be fined £70 for littering. Seriously, this isn’t exactly rocket science. So, let’s just go over the main points here: in England, you have to smoke outside, but you are not supplied with anywhere to put your cigarette (which, by the way, burns at over one thousand degrees Celsius!). The bins are all made of plastic, and don’t even have the metal cigarette-catcher bit that you see on the bins outside service stations. When you stub out your cigarette, you will be fined £70 (In real money, that’s about US$150, AUS$210, or €105). Seriously, the whole ‘war on smoking’ is looking more and more like a money spinner. Especially when a councillor in Stoke-on-Trent states that they will be able to retrospectively fine those who flout the law. Retrospectively, sweetheart, it’s against the law so, no, I don’t think you will.

Jeeves and Wooster

Aunt Dahlia is by far the best.

Apparently..

Not quite sure how to take this. Which world leader are you?

Finally!

Elected Muslim leader, Dr. Muhammad Abdul Bari, has condemned terrorism and the attacks on Britain. So, when these extremists claim that they are removing us 'infidels', the people of the UK can see that they are not supported by Islam in general. His words, "..there is no cause whatsoever that could possibly justify such barbarity.." sum it all up.

These attacks are NOT OK. They are being carried out by a small minority and are tarring the Islamic religion with the same filthy brush. I just wish that the Muslim people who are living in the West comfortably, would stand up against such barbarians and oust them.

I don't have a problem

with Islam. That would be silly. Almost as bad as saying that I have a problem with Catholicism, or Judaism or Agnosticism. Which I, most certainly, do not. Each to their own, right? It would be silly and utterly wrong for me to say that what I believe/do not believe is the be-all and end-all, and that each and every one of you who deigns to disagree with me and what I believe in is wrong.

And yet, as much as it pains me to say it, these fuckers who are trying to kill hundreds of people and disrupt our lives just need to FUCK OFF. That's right, you heard me. Pick up your mats and your jimmy cans and your extremist ways and piss off if you dislike it so much! I'll be the one chasing you with a very big, pointy stick. And as for you, Ms. Armstrong, how about you get off your high horse and start to stick up for us? You know, the people who pay taxes for you to jet off around the world telling everybody just how utterly darling Muslim people are, and how in The West all we are, are big, mean and nasty bolsheviks. You can bugger off too. (The poor love caught a nasty cough and cold on the plane to Malaysia on her way to a newspaper interview, where she said that she wouldn't have to jet around the globe fighting their battles for them, if only "Muslims did more to explain their faith"). What on earth makes this blasted woman an expert on Islam? I very much doubt she speaks even a single word of Arabic.

According to Armstrong, it is religious 'fundamentalism' that we need to take seriously. No! Really? You don't say! Ay, Dios moios - give me strength! Apparently this fundamentalism is,

"...a response to the gap between the promises of modernity and their reality."

And, ladies and gentlemen, the woman is entirely serious. To make matters worse, this woman has probably single-handedly caused what is now a massive rift between Islam and The West. You think I'm exaggerating? Read here. Apparently, "hatred of Islam... is so deeply rooted in Western culture that it brings together people who are usually at daggers drawn." What?? Westerners hate Islam? No. My dear, you are well and truly, like, totally and in the most awesome way I could possibly imagine, WRONG. Who the hell do you think you are? Girls and boys, this is exactly what she said in a Muslim newspaper. What, does she thinks that being malicious is going to make things better? That telling Muslim people, via their Muslim newspaper, that everyone in The West hates them so, so much that the hate is ubiquitous? Bollocks, bollocks, BOLLOCKS!! How the hell has this awful bloody woman gotten away with spreading such nonsense?

Let me get one thing straight: The West does NOT hate Islam. Not even a little bit. It is not Islam that causes the problem (although, I am sure that many would argue that ALL religion is the cause of trouble that would otherwise not exist). It is extremism. That is the issue here. It is the members of certain groups who feel that they are right, and, even worse that they are justified in killing civilians because they do not share the same religious beliefs. It is this extreme view that will and does cause problems.

The recent attempted bomb attacks in both London and Glasgow infuriate me. Why on earth are these people so hell-bent on causing the loss of life, disrupting our way of life? More to the point, why are they even here if they hate us so much. In the case of the 'home-grown' terrorists, this is not so easy to answer. It seems that a new wave has completely washed over a certain generation of young Muslims, in this country anyway. Unfortunately, without Australia to send our criminals, the only thing for it is to lock them up. But, what about these men who caused so much disruption in Britain last week? From the little snippets of information we are being fed, my understanding is that these latest attackers are aliens. So, why are they here? If The West is so repulsive to them, then they should bloody well stay away. I've had enough of all this pussy-footing around, being über-pc. Birmingham re-named Christmas, 'Winterval', and the ceremony of switching on the Christmas lights became 'Luminos'. All so that minorities were not offended.


What? I can almost hear the incredulity in your voice. Yes, kids, you heard right. This band of demented eejits spreads across the UK in sympathy. One generous millionaire was banned from putting up his annual charity Christmas lights, another council removed the word 'Christmas' from all their Christmas cards, while a hospital in Scotland refused to distribute a Christmas CD because it mentioned Jesus' name. Has everyone forgotten that this country (as we know it) was built on Christianity? That the head of our state is the head of our Church? That, it doesn't really matter if you go to church or not, that if you are British, you are proud of your heritage and how the country has gotten to where it is?


Britain certainly didn't conquer the world by giving up its beliefs so as not to 'offend' people.


If you don't like it, bugger off.

Quote of the day

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine."

Lord Byron, 1788 - 1824

Probably one of the most wonderful women. Ever.

Vali Myers. A beautiful artist who I would like to take a few moments to remember. You can tell she was Australian.